I accidentally had phone sex last night
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
