So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
