The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
