I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
