This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
