I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
