I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
