I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
