only if we run a train.
done.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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