his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
