Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
