I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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