Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
