i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
