As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
