He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
