I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
