do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
