K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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