she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
