I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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