I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
