Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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