Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
