Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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