mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
