I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
