You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
