office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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