it hurts more in the daytime
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
