I wannas sexs uuuuu
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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