New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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