I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I need to stop coming to work sober
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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