No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
