stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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