I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
