I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
