Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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