is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
