So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The adults are the big ones right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
