also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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