i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
