We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Damn victory sex feels great
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
