Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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