bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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