so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
