I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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