Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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