My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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