Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
